Monday, December 9, 2013

Divorces and Funerals

Yesterday I heard of yet another marriage in crisis (separated, heading toward divorce). Seems like that's too many in a row--marriages dying off like there's a "marriage plague" going on! 

Marriages are organisms & divorces are funerals; To be clear, I do not believe that divorce kills marriage. To me, that would be the same as saying that funerals kill humans. Divorce is . . . how to put this . . . divorce is the "death certificate." It's what happens when the carcass of the once-living marriage has begun to decay in your kitchen, and it's better to divorce than to keep up the painful pretense.

So I'm not anti-divorce, even though I am pro-marriage. A medical student is not anti-funeral, just anti-sickness.

Let’s offer care to marriages. The ones that are ailing, the ones that are dying. Let's offer "well-marriage" checkups. Let's bring healing to sick marriages. Let's start a Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa reference) for marriages, where marriages can be brought to die, being cared for and in dignity--for not every sick marriage revives.

Here's the offer, World:
I will provide "moderated conversations" for your marriage's sake. I will provide these free of charge. For the rest of my life.

Moderating your conversation means that we sit at a dining room table (your table or mine) with both of you on either end. I guide and protect your conversation, creating a safe-zone. I take nobody's side. I offer no counsel. Sometimes my wife will be there, sometimes another friend from church, sometimes just me. We use active-listening tactics. I have good tools in my toolbox for helping stalled conversations restart and resolve. This is something we're good at, and we train you to be good at it, too, so you can pay-it-forward afterwards.

Why Free? When I see the news, I wish I were helping as a relief-worker in a refugee camp. I don't offer much to the homeless in my community. I am constantly wondering if I should become a "big brother" at the local boys-and-girls-club, but I never have. I don't go to the hospital to pray for people. There are so many ways that I don't serve humanity, but the moderating-conversations to help ailing marriage get better . . . that's something I can do. It's no more than "doing my part" when others are doing theirs--I'm grateful for the ones that have stepped into the breach in all those other areas, and this is where I take action and live out the true meaning of my creed.

For more info, email me (Tim) at Find out more about me at

Friday, December 6, 2013

Sechristular Switchfoot

Lead singer Jon Foreman was asked if Switchfoot is a “Christian” band.  I appreciate his response!
Switchfoot is going secular. Sort of.
Switchfoot is going secular. Sort of.
“To be honest, this question grieves me because I feel that it represents a much bigger issue than simply a couple SF tunes. In true Socratic form, let me ask you a few questions: Does Lewis or Tolkien mention Christ in any of their fictional series? Are Bach’s sonata’s Christian? What is more Christ-like, feeding the poor, making furniture, cleaning bathrooms, or painting a sunset? There is a schism between the sacred and the secular in all of our modern minds.
The view that a pastor is more ‘Christian’ than a girls volleyball coach is flawed and heretical. The stance that a worship leader is more spiritual than a janitor is condescending and flawed. These different callings and purposes further demonstrate God’s sovereignty.
Many songs are worthy of being written. Switchfoot will write some, Keith Green, Bach, and perhaps yourself have written others. Some of these songs are about redemption, others about the sunrise, others about nothing in particular: written for the simple joy of music.
None of these songs has been born again, and to that end there is no such thing as Christian music. No. Christ didn’t come and die for my songs, he came for me. Yes. My songs are a part of my life. But judging from scripture I can only conclude that our God is much more interested in how I treat the poor and the broken and the hungry than the personal pronouns I use when I sing. I am a believer. Many of these songs talk about this belief. An obligation to say this or do that does not sound like the glorious freedom that Christ died to afford me.
I do have an obligation, however, a debt that cannot be settled by my lyrical decisions. My life will be judged by my obedience, not my ability to confine my lyrics to this box or that.
We all have a different calling; Switchfoot is trying to be obedient to who we are called to be. We’re not trying to be Audio A or U2 or POD or Bach: we’re trying to be Switchfoot. You see, a song that has the words: ‘Jesus Christ’ is no more or less ‘Christian’ than an instrumental piece. (I’ve heard lots of people say Jesus Christ and they weren’t talking about their redeemer.) You see, Jesus didn’t die for any of my tunes. So there is no hierarchy of life or songs or occupation only obedience. We have a call to take up our cross and follow. We can be sure that these roads will be different for all of us. Just as you have one body and every part has a different function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each of us belongs to all the others. Please be slow to judge ‘brothers’ who have a different calling.”

Monday, December 2, 2013

And God Said "No!"

I asked God to take away my pride.
And God said "No."
He said it was not for him to take away,
but for me to give it up

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
And God said "No."
He said her spirit was whole,
her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
And God said "No."
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations.
It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
And God said "No."
He said he gives me blessings,
happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain.
And God said "No."
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly
cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
And God said "No."
He said I must grow on my own.
But he will prune me to make me fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.

And God said "No."
He said I will give you life,
that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
And God said, "Ah, finally you have the idea."

~Author Unknown~